Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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