Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
