no, he came in my armpit
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
