I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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