how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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