where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
