Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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