"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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