finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
