the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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