i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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