Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
