He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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