Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
