At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
