Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
