why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
