i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize