dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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