I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
