Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
