Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
