This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My hand turned me down
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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