I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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