no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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