tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
