K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
