How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
