we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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