She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
