When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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