Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
