Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
