it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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