every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
