OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
