hell yes lets make some ravioli
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
