so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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