In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
