he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
