he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think I am morally bankrupt
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
