Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
