Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
