Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
