Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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