I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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