I want to have your abortion
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the condom got lost in my hair
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
