i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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