Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So many bounce houses so little time
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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