Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
