shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
