I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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