no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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