I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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