Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
