I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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