Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
