tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
two words: eviction party
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
