My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
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how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
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Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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