I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
