i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
