Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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