I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
