You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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