i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
