you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize