talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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