I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
